First date Do’s and Dont’s

First dates are a necessary evil in the lives of singles. They combine the pressure of job interviews with the artificiality of plastic flowers. First dates are a necessary evil in the lives of singles.; all the while you’re observing each move your date makes with the suspicious air of a judge looking down her nose at a defendant. With all the high hopes, expectations and fears men and women bring to the table on a first date, it’s a wonder anyone makes it to the second these days. To aid in the progress of l’amour au courant, here are some first date do’s and don’ts.

 

DO

 

    1. Be yourself. Let me amend that to “be your best self.” This is not the time to admit to all the vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset you, nor to share the story of how the shock of catching your fiancé in bed with your brother landed you in a mental institution. Trot out the tried-and-true tales that showcase your sweet and sparkling personality.

 

  • Be a good listener. The purpose of this strategy is twofold. A man likes a woman who isn’t a conversation hog. He wants the opportunity to shine in your eyes by trotting out his tried-and-true tales. Plus, allowing him to orate gives you the chance to discern what makes him tick. If he talks about how all of his ex-girlfriends are bitter, selfish, man-hating crones, imagine their side of the story. If he admits to not being the marrying kind, that’s valuable information to have early on as well. (No, you won’t change him!) If he talks about how the thing that gives life meaning for him is being involved in a love relationship — well, isn’t that good info to know?

 

  • Try to have fun. Your life does not hang in the balance. It’s just a date. All you’re really doing is hanging out for a few hours with a new acquaintance. Lighten up and enjoy the time.

 

DON’T

 

    1. Pretend to be someone you’re not. If you eat meat and she’s a vegetarian, fess up to your carnivorous ways. Ditto if you’re a heavy smoker and she’s a non-smoker. The truth will always out eventually – sooner is truly better than later.

 

  • Don’t drink too much! The best example I can think of is to rent that classic gem ‘Blind date’ with Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis. She’s the girl of his dreams until she has a bit too much champagne, at his prompting… Before you know it, he’s lost his job, suit, apartment, car and reputation. It probably wouldn’t go that far, but no-one likes to see you get that loose before they even get to know you. If the date sucks, then drink when you get home!

 

  • Leave your date hanging. If you’d like to see your date again, say, “I had a great time. The time really flew.” Yes, you can kiss him goodnight but don’t act desperate to set up a second date on the spot. If the first date is all she wrote for you, say, “It was a pleasure meeting you. All the best.” Don’t dilute the message by engaging in kissy-kissy.

 

  • Make a snap judgment about your feelings toward your date. Unless he’s a total boor or potential nutcase, give him or her another try or two before writing him/her off. Rush to first date judgment and you’ll have lots and lots of time to regret the hasty rejection of someone who might have been the love of your life.

 

  • Don’t talk about yourself too much. It’s true that one of the best ways you can get some one to pay attention to you is to ask them lots of questions about themselves. It’s amazing how well this works. Yet when you’re nervous, you might have a tendency to babble on about your life endlessly, as you don’t have to think that much to pull that information out of your head. And of course, we all know not to do this when we think about it.

 

  • Don’t wear something you don’t feel drop dead gorgeous in. How much fun can you have if you have to monitor how many bites of food because just one more might be the fatal one that bursts the seams on your skintight dress like the Hoover Dam? And always having to remember not to raise your arm no matter what happens is no picnic because your last clean shirt has a hole in the armpit.

 

Asking for a Date

There’s nothing really complicated about asking for a date. Ideally, you should ask someone in person so that he or she won’t have any difficulty in “placing” you, but telephoning is perfectly acceptable, too.

It is best, however, to have gotten to know the person you are asking through previous conversation before suddenly springing a request for a date. Those conversations give you a chance to ascertain your compatibility with each other. If you call, mention the last conversation the two of you had together and how much you enjoyed it. You might also mention the setting and some of the topics you discussed to help jog the other’s memory. Then simply say something like, “I was wondering if you would like to go with me to the (movie, dance, etc.) on Saturday night?”

If you are worried about your mind going completely blank when you make the call, the authors of How to Date With Confidence, Barbara Siegel and Scott Siegel, recommend that you simply make a list of things you want to say before you call. Not a word-for-word speech, of course. Just a few words to jog your memory. (No one can see you looking at your notes on the phone!) If the other person should decline, don’t take it too personally. Perhaps they feel they don’t know you well enough. If this is the case, try to become better acquainted before you ask again.

In the event that the person you call declines, simply say something like, “Well, maybe another time.” and let it go at that. Don’t try to change the person’s mind. You will only make a nuisance of yourself. Besides, there is always another time. If someone you like calls you for a date, and you are available for the time requested, you have it made. But what if you aren’t available? Or, what if you aren’t interested in the person who called? What should you do then?

If you are interested but aren’t available, you should say something like. “Oh, I’m sorry. I promised I’d take my brother to band practice that night. Would you give me a rain check? Thus, you express your disappointment, tell the caller the reason you can’t make it for the date, and request to reschedule it for another time. The best thing to do is to suggest setting another date, time and event on the spot. If the caller says he or she will look for another event to take you to, but doesn’t get down to specifics at that moment, it’s a good idea to say how much you appreciated their call the next time you see them, and how much you regret having had to refuse. Chances are, they’ll think of you again.

But what if you really aren’t interested in going out with the person who calls? You want to turn the caller down gently, and yet you want to close the door to future calls as well.The best way to do this, say Barbara and Scott is to say something like “I’m kind of involved with somebody else right now” or “I’ve just gone back to my old boyfriend.” This way, the caller doesn’t see it as a rejection of him or her personally, but just that you happen to be committed to someone and unavailable to anyone else. Few people will take offence to this kind of a gentle turning-down.

Creating an Online Dating Profile? Here Are 4 Things You Should Avoid Writing

If you are in the process of creating your first online dating profile, you need to be very careful with the information and details that you include. Even if they may sound all right to you, some things are better left unwritten; otherwise, your profile won’t catch the attention of your potential date or match. Here are four things you should never include in your online biker dating profile.

1. Do not write sensitive personal information.

It is all right to divulge your age and your birthday, but adding sensitive information such as your home address, your workplace, and your contact number is too much. This will give people viewing your profile more information than necessary, and there is a possibility that the said information will be used to scam you. And even when you post a photo to your profile, choose the ones that do not show any clue as to where you live or work. Remember, the people viewing your profile are people you don’t know. So you have to be extra careful.

2. Do not include trivial information.

Do not write about trivial information, especially those that do not concern your possible match. An example is telling a story about how you lost your favorite doll or bike. Aside from making your profile content long, it will bore the reader because you’re talking about something he or she cannot relate with.

3. Do not write content or descriptions that are not true.

In other words, do not lie. Do not lie about your height or your age, and about any of your physical features. Stay true to yourself and to the person visiting your profile. Lying will bring you greater problems because your lies will eventually be discovered and you’ll lose your chances of getting a date.

4. Do not talk about online dating negatively.

In the first place, why would you talk negatively about something you are doing? If you do that, you are negating yourself. This will discourage possible matches from continuing to view your profile. You’ll be branded a liar, a fake, and a judgmental person.